Making Peace, Making Space
A reflection on the science and humanity of moving forward
By Donna Tulloch | Pulse by DNK
For many years, I believed resilience meantpushing through.
Keep going. Stay strong. Move forward.
It took time, lived experience, and deeperlearning to realize that genuine forward movement often begins in much quieterways. In my own life and in my work with leaders, teams, and women navigatingtransition, I have learned that peace rarely comes from forgetting the past.For many of us, peace comes from understanding it.
This is not therapy and it is not aformula.
It is simply what I have observed in human behaviour, in neuroscience research,and in my own journey as a trauma survivor.
When we meet our story with honesty andcompassion, something inside us shifts. Energy that once felt blocked begins tomove. Clarity returns. Our choices become more intentional. We start leadingand living from a steadier place.
The Leadership Cost ofUnfinished Stories
Human behaviour research has consistentlyshown that unexamined experiences can influence present decisions, reactions,and relationships. The brain stores emotional memories in networks that canremain active long after the moment has passed.
When these experiences are not understoodor integrated, they often show up in familiar ways:
• reactive communication
• difficulty separating past fear from present risk
• avoidance of necessary conversations
• leadership patterns that repeat without explanation
I have seenthis in myself and in the leaders I work with. When we begin to understand whatshaped us, we interrupt automatic patterns. We slow down the emotional reflexand make space for intention. This alone can completely change how we lead.
What Remembering Can Look Like
Making peace with the past is not the sameas revisiting it. It is not about reliving painful stories.
It is a gentle process of understanding what those moments taught us, how theyshaped our perception of safety, and what they still ask of us today.
Research on narrative identity suggeststhat when we revisit our experience with perspective, we reorganize themeaning.
In my life, remembering with compassion helped me reclaim parts of myself I haddisconnected from. It also helped me strengthen my ability to respondthoughtfully instead of reactively.
For leaders, this type ofreflection supports emotional regulation and clearer communication. Forindividuals, it opens space for self-trust, confidence, and calm.
The Constructive Role of Regret
Regret often feels heavy, but it can servean important cognitive purpose.
Studies in behavioural science show that regret, when approached withcuriosity, supports learning and better decision-making.
For me, the shift came when I stoppedasking “why did I do that?” and started asking “what did I learn because ofit?”
This reframing softened shame andstrengthened insight. It aligned with a key emotional regulation strategy knownas reappraisal, which helps the brain reinterpret experiences in a way thatreduces emotional intensity and promotes growth.
Regret doesnot have to keep us stuck. It can point us toward what we know now and how wewant to show up next.
Self-Compassion as aProfessional Advantage
Self-compassion is foundational forpsychological resilience. Research by Dr. Kristin Neff and others shows thatwhen we treat ourselves with understanding instead of criticism, the bodyshifts into a calmer physiological state. This increases emotional capacity,reduces burnout risk, and supports stronger leadership communication.
In my own experience, replacing internalpressure with internal understanding helped me lead more effectively and makedecisions from a place of clarity rather than fear. It strengthened my abilityto hold space for others, especially during periods of uncertainty.
Leaders who practiceself-compassion often create more safety for their teams, and teams who feelsafe perform better.
Healing and Growth in Layers
Healing does not unfold in a straight line.
In trauma-informed research, integration is understood as a layered process.Safety, pacing, and self-awareness are essential.
Books like The Courage to Healhelped me recognize that acknowledging our story is often the first step. Thatrecognition is what creates room for healing to occur at all. It is a processthat requires patience, support, and compassion toward ourselves. I have seenthis in individuals and organizations.
Growth that is forced rarelylasts. Growth that is paced becomes sustainable.
Making Space for What ComesNext
As I learned to understand and gently integrate parts of my story, Inoticed significant shifts in my thinking and my leadership.
My mind became clearer.
My relationships became steadier.
My ability to lead from presence rather than pressure strengthened.
Organizational psychology describes this asthe process of integration: reclaiming the energy that was held in resistanceand redirecting it toward clarity, creativity, and connection.
This is what “making space” means to me.
It is not letting go of the past.
It is loosening its hold so we can step into the next chapter with steadiness,purpose, and possibility.
A Gentle Note
If you have lived through trauma, loss, oroverwhelming experiences, please know that your pace is valid.
This reflection is not meant to invite you into anything you are not ready for.
It is simply an exploration of what has supported my personal growth and thegrowth of the leaders and teams I work with.
Healing and integration unfolddifferently for everyone.
Your journey deserves time, honour, and care.
A Closing Reflection
I have learned that peace is not theabsence of what happened.
It is the understanding of it.
And once we make peace, even gradually, we create space for who we arebecoming.
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